I had an interesting chat with my friend and little brother Akan Ebenezer –
about friendship – and to a large extent – how the meanings changes as a person gets Older and become a responsible productive-economic agent
One thing I have learnt long ago in life is to be close to much older people — learn from them and identify things about them you don’t wish to see happen to you –so I have a lot of ‘egbons’ as my paddies.
My idea of Friendship took a new –meaning I learnt it from a much older acquaintance of mine ….based on a story he regaled us in his office many years back
He told us a story of an incident between his very good friend and wife ( Names withheld)
For the purpose of this post let me call his friend
“Mr Ego at home”
Apparently the man “Mr Ego at home” was having a very hard time in the marriage because –he had lost his position as the financial captain of the household to his wife –the man’s business were all moribund and madam was the sole bread winner
As we all know
– women generally are not suited for that role of being the financial captains of the home — even the best of women — will always have a way of cocking up if they are financially in charge of their homes –No matter how good they are –there are always moments of blips and slips and one well good intentioned suggestions or word carelessly said out of line that crosses the male psyche emotional-RED LINE—
that is the sincere truth—- a man is most emotionally brittle in that time and season in his life that is why the woman –should understand that and do the needful no matter how emotionally and mentally draining it might be———–
the fact of the matter is simple –Men are the weaker vessels – it’s a misnomer to term women as the weaker vessels – we tend to read the bible literarily ——–
The weaker party is a weakness to self and a strength to Christ -that is what the bible meant- let me not digress further
As I was saying
Madam happened to be a bank ED and headed the Northern Region of her bank then so she was always at Abuja – and the children naturally were with her at her Abuja home
Oga respected himself and stayed behind at Lagos – apparently his ego –couldn’t take the perceived “emotional emasculation” from — his wife
Madam couldn’t understand the Economic rationale of keeping two homes – financing the big boy lifestyle of her man – Big house – expensive cars in the garage and servants and bills to pay pandering to his lifestyle and yet his stubborn insistence of not relocating and or bringing business proposals to her bank for credit considerations —- at least she was in a position to make it happen—was unfathomable to her…..
So she became a SHREW– a typical foul mouthed bad tempered “bitch-witch ”—all her suggestions and ideas was NULL & VOID as for as he was concerned – and it got her more neurotic
Meanwhile Oga is a typical Benin Boy—- from Edo state — with all the typical AFRICAN MAN ego and attitude to boot you know how it is with all of us (including me)_—— but he LOVES his wife to bits and could die for her—–so we had a good problem – in a bad situation in that household
One day…. Madam came to Lagos and as usual one thing led to the other – an argument ensued — Madam lost her cool and landed – 2 thunderous slaps smack on the face of her man…..and her king!!!
That was the turning point!!!
He took the slaps more calmly —- but was galvanized into action
He stepped out of the house – on foot —- didn’t take any of the exotic cars – walked to his gate keeper (Maiguard/gateman) borrowed — ₦1K from him and boarded a public transport –danfo for that matter ( imagine the humiliation and pain he felt?) as he went his friend’s office at VI….
When the friend saw him after the long banter as old friends do —- he told him his tales of domestic woe!
His friend was naturally surprised that – he was in a financial shit hole for years and never told him and any of the boys —- and admonished him accordingly —because — they all felt he was doing so well –not knowing that –it was all props from his dutiful wife?
Then his friend stepped into action
Right there and then…
He called their Secondary (High) school& University Buddy – who is based in Abuja working at the Villa as a top adviser to the then President OBJ —- and regaled the story to him and even told him to speak with him—– that one also admonished him – and as real friends would do — told him to come see him immediately—let them arrange a rehabilitation package for him —-he proceeded to wire ₦250Ks and asked him to immediately come down to – Abuja to see him
That is how Oga –Mr Ego at home – who left home with borrowed ₦1k got ₦250k that day— on the spot and the friend he went to see also gave him additional ₦100K and made flight reservation arrangements for him on the spot
The man got home much latter in the day after hanging out with his friend – gave his gate keeper ₦10k as refund for the ₦1k earlier collected and quietly left for Abuja – 2 days latter – where he avoided his Abuja residence and lodged at an Hotel
After some days delay –his friend at the Presidency saw him –moved him to his house because he said –he can’t come to Abuja and remain in a hotel
Within 3 weeks — a ₦5.5billion –service and supply contract was arranged for him –with mobilization
Whilst he was executing that job another ₦6.5bilion – service and contract was awarded to him – so within a space of a two months
— he has contracts worth ₦12billion with sizeable profit margins
That is how Mr Ego at home ——— got his groove back and got financially rehabilitated and his business took an upward swing and since then ——- he is growing in leaps and bonds financially as a wealthy but unassuming billionaire
To cut the long story short —- he bought a property at the exclusive area of East Legon in Ghana – and at built a masterpiece at Benin Edo state – and left the behind everything in the Lagos house for madam and the children as well as the Abuja property which he vowed never to step foot into—
Money has transformed Madam now — she has evolved into a study in temperance /submissiveness and humility
Madam is now the most accommodating and best behaved -loving wife— she is nicer and very respectful of all his friends now — she is particularly mindful of his much younger friends because —- she is afraid they might – be his pimps facilitating his access to young ladies ———
The man is having a ball—as the king of his home –and he says –he is doing everything possible to goad her into slapping him again———– because her two slaps – made him a billionaire – so far Madam is so nice that she had refused to slap him till date – almost 10 years after
This is a true story — and how 2slaps from a Wife transformed the life of a man
What did I learn from this story———-
Plenty things but let me focus on the subject matter of friendship
1) I now know why – most men – walk into becoming members of Freemasons and other secret cults
2) I now know why most of our churches/ with their inexperienced Pastors who are not supposed to lead any congregation – had erroneously has messed up –people by not teaching them the inherent power and value of friendship between Men and people in general
3) Churches forget to teach us how to become friends to our friends and how to grow that friendship to evolve and make our friends – achieve their destiny the way Jonathan – did for David–
I. Do we realize that Jonathan knew that the Dynasty of Saul ends the day his father dies -David was the next king of Israel upon the death of his father?
II. Do you realize that Jonathan protected his friend-despite this facts and made sure – David grew to become that by providing him logistic support seemingly ?
III. Do you realize the Jonathan had to stick with his Father king Saul and die with his father – in battle to pave the way for David seamless ascension to the throne – and thus the endless dynasty David – in line with God’s covenant with David—that we all enjoyed till date and eternally thru the birth of Christ in the line of David?
Whereas Churches these days are teaching us something else
4) The churches have made us to become the like the good pious guys ( elder brother of the prodigal son) who don’t have empathy and love –in their heart for anybody and has made us to be – so fixated in our own righteousness and holiness that – we can’t show love or stretch a hand love and support for others we have adjudged bad people /sinners -even to our siblings who have made regrettable horrible life choices ….
5) Churches have raised Christians to have the heart of Jonah – who expected calamity to happen to the licentious people of Nineveh –because God revealed his anger to Jonah
the loss to Churches and homes
Is now the gains to Secret societies ..like Free masons and Ogboni confraternity
and the Satanic cults — no wonder the churches are more populated by women than men?….
…to be continued!